Son, I dread the holidays. Well OK, you got me, I love the holidays. I just hate the holiday travel. At this time you probably don’t know why. I know that you probably hate being strapped into your car seat for hours on end as we go and see family, get used it. Once you become a parent, you will fully understand my hatred of holiday travel.
Since you hate travel you make it difficult for your mother and father. We have come up with a few ways to help elevate the problem however that can only go so far. You can only take a nap for at most 2 hours, unless we give you bourbon, but something tells me that I would not be a good parent if I did that. You can only read the same book so many times and you can only play with the same toy for so long.
I would hope that this year will be different. I would love to count the trucks as we drive and I would love to play eye-spy with you. Not only would this help pass the time but it would keep you entertained for at least an hour of our 6 hour tour. My singing obviously doesn’t keep you happy because you keep on screaming “DON’t DADDY” as I sing to you.
Let me tell you son, that if you are pleasant in the car, it will make the trip go by much quicker and make mommy and daddy more pleasant to be around. I wish that there was a way to show you how much more fun we are to be around when you follow our directions but I can only practice what I preach for so long before I go insane.
You do not get to see this side of the family that much and so at least I am excited about seeing them, your mother on the other hand might not be looking forward to seeing the in-laws, but what person likes seeing their in-laws right? I know that you will have fun because this is a Thanksgiving and Christmas for you! You will get to eat a lot of food, hopefully fall into a turkey coma, and play with the new toys that your grandparents will be getting you.
All I ask is for a nice quiet trip out there and back and maybe if you are good, I might get you a Sonic Slush.
I’m sure that you watched a lot of the Summer Olympics this summer son. I know I watched a lot of the games and I remember you sitting right next to me watching as well. I never thought that you would remember the games to this day.
Lately, is has been a sprint to catch toys and other items that are left within your grasp that you know you are not supposed to have. I know that your mother and I do leave things out in your reach and we should probably know by now not to do that. The moment you grab the item it is off to the races.
You know exactly what you are doing son. You know that you shouldn’t have the lip balm or be running with one of mommies hair bands. While most of the things that you pick up are relatively harmless, you will learn some day I hope, that it is the principle of the thing.
This is how things come up missing in our house. You pick them up and run and/or hide them before mommy and daddy can catch you. I am still missing a charger to my iPhone. I know it is around here somewhere, but something tells me I’ll catch you running around with it sometime soon.
You may think that you are Citius, Altius, Fortius (Higher, Faster, Stronger) but something you will soon need to realize is that I am Citius, Altius, Fortius than you! In an all out sprint I will win, always, or at least until you are 14. By then I will be old and unable to keep up.
We are finally able to make holiday traditions son. I work a normal work schedule for the first time in our family’s young life. And one of them is carving pumpkins. It is one that both your mother and I enjoy but as you will be able to tell, you enjoyed it as well.
You started out just painting your pumpkin. Your mother and I decided that would be the safest and probably the cleanest way for you to take part in our new tradition.
Of course I had to go and show you what was inside of a pumpkin…
It was at that moment that you thought it would be fun to get your hands dirty and feel the inside for yourself.
What you pulled out, you thought was pretty cool!
But that was not the only thing you though was cool, you deemed it awesome to cover yourself in pumpkin filth!
After a bath you were able to see the creations that your mother and I were creating and loved them!
And then to top of the night, we let you watch what has become your newest fascination, It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
You loved every bit of it! And we can not wait to share this tradition with you again next year!
Son, little do you know, because you can’t comprehend this yet, but your second birthday will be puppet themed. I’m not breaking any news to you because, well, we have talked openly about it in front of you. In fact, I would not be shocked if you don’t already know what your birthday and Christmas presents will be, since we have talked about what we will be getting you right to your face.
The reason I bring up the theme of your birthday party is because over the last couple of days you have treated me like a puppet. I really do not mind since it makes you laugh.
One night in particular we had Pandora playing on the TV. It was a classical music station that your mother left on the TV, personally, I would never, EVER, leave it on one a station like that. The Nutcracker Suite came on. This is not the nutcracker suite that you tend to play with your baseball bat when you play with your dad, as you have now learned to swing a baseball bat like, well, a baseball bat. It makes me proud to say that, however my vocal cords hit the high C.
When the Nutcracker Suite came on naturally, like any full-blooded male would do, I started doing do dance ballet. I will not say I was doing it well, I was probably doing very very horribly, which makes me happy that your mother was not there. If she was, she would have shot video on her iPhone, uploaded it to YouTube, and I would be an internet sensation bigger than Rebecca Black.
My stamina must not be what it used to be when I was 27, because after about a minute of spinning around, I was tired. So I stopped, breathing heavy, hunched over, catching some air. Than just like any two-year old, you said a word that I never heard you say…
Wait, let me get this straight, you are telling me to dance?
Dance I did. Until 30 seconds later I was tired yet again. Once more I tried to catch more air as I was hunched over. While I was recovering from the two times of spinning and dancing I heard AGAIN…
At this point, I looked at you, laughed, and asked a question I knew you couldn’t answer…
What are you my puppet master?
What I didn’t realize was that by asking that question, the answer was given to me two years ago at your birth.
Son, when you become a man, if you become a man, there are only a few places where men can think. Sometimes we have our own chair to do our thinking. Take this one for example…
It really is a nice chair don’t you think? I do some of my thinking in it. I am writing this very post sitting in it. There is one other place I do a lot of my thinking…
Yeah that’s right! The toilet. This is one place I was proud to call my own. Then you became mobile.
I was perfectly OK with the rubber ducky and the bubble bath soap with Elmo sitting on the ledge of the bath. In no way did they interrupt my thinking. Not only did I create some amazing blog posts sitting there, I came up with some of my best tweets.
Now, I can only wish for my thinking time. When I am sitting on the golden thrown, you push open the door and start to play.
Why isn’t it locked? Well, you see if I lock it, you start a tantrum any two year old would be jealous of. So my place of tweeting and blogging has been taken over.
Someday you will understand the importance of this place. Until then you will have to deal with the embarrassment of me writing about how you intrude on me in the bathroom.